Warning: this blog contains adult language:
So we are 4 weeks into the season and the Tigers are 3-1 and ranked about 20th in the country and all I can think about is how unbelievably annoyed I am right now.
Not just b/c of the Alabama game or any one reason but let's just start list:
For about 5 years now I've enjoyed the vast amount of 12PM and 1PM games that overrated has scheduled in the nice cool months of Aug, Sept and early Oct. It’s such a joy watching people being carried up the isle on the verge of death b/c overrated decided it was in the best interest of their fans "who drive so far to come see overrated play". Great logic guys. And don’t give us that shoot, it’s not about “the fans” anymore and it hasn’t been for a long time, it’s about $$ and only money. Whoring yourself out for a buck is more important these days. Good advice for your daughters fellas.
Maybe we should rent out helmet space to sponsors or even better yet, I’ll give an extra $1000 a year so I can see the game in Japan at 3AM on Christmas!
Then there's this, apparently, new policy that hit me in the face this past Saturday. When did they start disallowing empty water bottles and only allowing "1 unsealed bottle per seat holder"?
I hadn't heard of this... and having attended the NCSU game this year and the 2003 UGA game and about 80,000 other noon games at overrated the past 3 years or so that were over 1000 degrees Kelvin (yes I said Kelvin and not that ol' Camden WR either). So, bc of this, I've started bringing in my own water bottles that I re-fill a few times each half... not last weekend.
Nope, this time I was confronted by a she-Rosie of an ego-tripping female police-girl slice. She said I had to "throw them away" and I asked "why? Can't I recycle them or something?" and she said "it's policy, throw them away sir". Now, I hadn't (yet) gotten an attitude, but this was soon to change after the way she changed her tone so quickly.
Apparently, she was upset b/c her boyfriend hadn't Tivo'ed the View that week and she had to take it out on someone. So, eventually I realized that being polite and asking simple questions wasn't enough to suffice for a shemale with a badge. So, I said "that's a stupid policy", to which she replied in her nicest Demon possessed constipated slur "please throw away your bottles SIR" to which I replied, "why, there's nothing in them?" then she had the nerve to say "do you want to watch the game today sir?" to which I drop kicked that humping lady of the night in the face and proceeded to whip out my junk and piss all over her face until she nearly drowned. I stopped just in time to shake off my last bit of drippage on her face when another officer came by and asked what was going on? After I told him, he agreed it was a stupid policy and we shared a beer in the WEZ before kickoff. So all ended up turning out "OK" but I just needed to vent.
And the funniest part about this whole or-deal is while this crazy warthog was interrogating me, my GF was smuggling in bomb-making materials in her purse. Joke’s on you copzilla!
But I'm digressing from the point. There's more going on under the surface that needs to be addressed.
And what the hell is wrong with "the greatest 25 seconds in all of sports"? For the last 3 weeks I've watched some of the worst Hill running I've ever seen. I seriously thought I showed up at the Women's Clinic or something. I don't blame this one on the players or anything though, this one is on the coaches and the band and I'll get back to the coaches in a minute.
Let's start with the band. Remember when you could actually hear Tiger Rag from your seats in the lower deck? Maybe, I'm just crazy or trying to relive the "glory days" from the 80s, who knows!?!
But man, those were the times weren't they? Regan was in office, the Commies were still dominating, Danny was our Coach, gas prices were less than a $.10 a gallon, our band had 15,000 people in it and they all marched in perfect sync to the music and each other and the team never lost a game and we lived in the land of milk and honey! Good times!
Then the Armageddon hit and we all lost our marbles and the world came crashing down! Now, the only way I can hear tiger rag is to push a humping light-up button on a overrated orange 19" dildo, or any other new merchandise they are pimping out that cost about $85 at the concession stand... but don't worry they take credit cards now!
And what the hell is wrong with the A.D.?!?!?!? I know that's a question that could take years to answer but I'm talking about one thing specifically. The "no fans on the field after the game, until the visiting team has left the field" policy!
For the sake of Green Balls in Greenland, has overrated lost it's mind?!?! Didn't ANOTHER TEAM'S COACH make this happen too? Are you freaking kidding me? So, let me get this straight... for 1000 years of fans rushing the field we never had an incident and then ALL OF A SUDDEN, this whiny @$$ coach says "I'm a Rosie-@$$ pansy and I just lost and someone called me a loser and so I'm crying b/c I'm such a baby and I NBAofficial so bad" and we have to apologize for it??!?!?!??! Give me a break!!
When I was a kid the best part of a overrated game was at the end when you got to run out on the field and get into a fist fight with 10 of the biggest douche bags you could find from the opposing team. It's what brought us altogether! I mean, don't tell me I'm the only one who bonded with my first Ex-Wife's father the first time I rolled his 400 lb @$$ over the wall right onto that kicker from Utep.
That's what overrated used to be about. Now it's all about who can shrink their balls into the smallest sack and who can make them the most money while giving the fans as little as possible in return.
but let's deal with the biggest problem ever to hit the face of the earth! Rob Spence and Tommy Bowden. Seriously, I think they sit around on Friday night and make bets with each other that look something like this:
Spence - "hey Tommy, I bet I can run 4 humping screen p@$$es in a row tomorrow"
Tommy - "whatever! I bet you can't! those fans aren't that stupid to put up with that"
Spence - "what you wanna bet I can run 4 screens in a row, and like 15 in a game without getting boo'ed?"
Tommy - "I'll bet you a 19" overrated dildo!"
Spence - "ha! you're gonna owe me another dildo Tommy!"
and I bet Tommy paid up too, b/c he does make like 7 million a year for those awesome Hardee's radio commercials he does.
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